If you spend enough time on the road, you will encounter the General. The General is merciless. He takes no prisoners and leaves in his wake nothing but suffering—stinky, disgusting suffering.

Most of my encounters with the General have been close calls. By racing home with wide eyes and a funny waddle that fools no one, I have been able to outrun him. But, on occasion, his pace has been faster than mine.

The last time the General got me was during the winter about a mile from my home (so close, but oh so far!). It is a painful memory, so I will only say two things about the experience: (1) using brittle, frost-coated leaves for TP is a particularly unpleasant way to start the day, and (2) I apologize sincerely to the homeowner in whose front yard I dropped trou.